I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
