Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
