Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
