I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
