Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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