Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
