he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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