dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
