I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
