He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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