R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
