Christians are straight up FREAKS
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
