piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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