Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
