Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
