I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
