i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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