blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
