his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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