How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
