why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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