its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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