Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
