so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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