His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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