the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
