Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
