she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
