I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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