She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
