Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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