I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
