The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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