the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
