Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
