A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
