so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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