Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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