OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
