from now on my penis is your penis
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
