I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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