would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
