just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
