It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
