I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
