Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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