We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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