Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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