He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
