Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
