ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
