So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
