Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you bring me the toilet please
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
