Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
